I sit here with tear-stained cheeks cradling a glass of wine. (You're so dramatic Kristen, you say). I know, but I speak the truth.
There comes a time when you have to face denial. Especially with Alzheimer's and Dementia. Denial comes easily with this disease. "Dad's too young to be losing his memory". "Dad is fine to live alone." "Dad doesn't have to be in a lock-up facility... he can still clean his dentures." No, he can't. Face it.
There's also the financial denial. I have to give us a little credit on this one. We didn't think it would take this long to sell his mobile home. We also didn't know he would lose so much money on it or that his Morgan Stanley investments would have plummeted so much. Someone like my husband Blake who is getting his masters in business and finance would know this, but I do not. The minute I hear numbers my mind shuts down. Yeah, I took Honors Math all through High School, but I was tutored through the entire thing. It was torture.
We had been scrambling for a place to put Dad when my Mom found Whittier Place Senior Living. Dad had been living between me, Megan, and my Mom for about a week after running away from the first place we put him. Whittier is so nice and actually very affordable when you compare it to other facilities. What took us over our budget is all the extra 'stuff' that they charge you for. $100/month to have someone help them with their dentures or $120/month for the patient to get 5 showers a week... the list goes on. (Even with all the added expenses, the place is still pretty cheap). We knew that we were above his budget but at that point we were desperate to get him in a secure place. The plan was to let him live there for the next few years while he is still young and active and then when he gets worse, we can move him to a different place.
Well, Dad's money is running out soon and he's not selling the mobile home fast enough. I'm freaking out. When we're already spending so much time visiting and worrying about rashes or trying to stop him from running away, how can we think about one more thing? Well, I'm going to stop crying and try.
We're going to meet with a lawyer and hopefully get more information about Medical. And we have some legal and financial complications (that I won't go into) and I can't even begin to understand all of it. Luckily Megan and I have my Mom who looks up EVERYTHING on the internet in record speed and is extremely quick in learning about all these government programs. We also have Blake. He is the more fiscal conservative among us and a great forecaster when it comes to finance. I'm hoping between the two of them and Dad's lame Power of Attorney (Me), we can figure it all out.
What makes the possibility of moving Dad worse? I feel like in the past week or two, I've started to notice a small change in my Dad. I think he is starting to consider Whittier Place as his home.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Alzheimer's is Expensive
11:00 May 19th 2010: The phone rang and it was Whittier Place. Dad had gotten out again. He didn't get far but they couldn't get him to go back inside. I was already planning to visit him that day, so I left quickly and called Megan to come as well.
We got him back inside and fed him lunch. He complains: I need a job. I don't want to garden because they already have a gardener. These people take my stuff. I have no money.
Later that day, the head of Generations Memory Care where my Dad lives called to say she needed one of us to be there with him through the night or she would have to implement 24-hour care. I freaked out! 24-hour care would cost $1700 more a month. Great. Are we going to have to move him again? And to a place that is dumpy so that he can afford it?
The next morning in a meeting with Whittier Place, I break down. We end up compromising. Megan and I are going to visit 4-5 days a week and they won't raise his rate. This is our last chance to make this place work and it will only take one bad day for my Dad to ruin it. Fingers are crossed!!
I can't help but wonder how people afford care for Alzheimer's patients. My Dad's monthly payment would have gone up to a total of $5000 if they implemented 24-hour care!!! Whittier Place is moderately priced, so some are more and some are less. There is no fixed price at these types of homes -- the cost can go up and down depending on the needs of the resident.
Has America forgotten these patients? The system definitely fails someone like my Dad who is only 70 years old and is so physically active that he jumped the fence when he ran away earlier that day. He doesn't feel like he belongs with people who are 10 or 15 years older than him and he also needs a lot of activity to keep him happy and preoccupied.
I am not saying that the staff doesn't deserve the money he pays them. Because they do deserve it. They are constantly dealing with the disease and they are bending over backwards to accommodate my Dad. He's really sweet when he wants to be. Pinching cheeks and all that.
But how do families afford to give their loved ones the quality of life that they deserve? That is a question that I can't answer and that will be haunting us for the next 10-15 years (God forbid 20) as we go through this struggle with my Dad.
The only thing I can hope for in the future is the possibility of a cure or something to slow down the disease. Stem Cell Research. It's too late for my Dad... but what about me and Megan?
We got him back inside and fed him lunch. He complains: I need a job. I don't want to garden because they already have a gardener. These people take my stuff. I have no money.
Later that day, the head of Generations Memory Care where my Dad lives called to say she needed one of us to be there with him through the night or she would have to implement 24-hour care. I freaked out! 24-hour care would cost $1700 more a month. Great. Are we going to have to move him again? And to a place that is dumpy so that he can afford it?
The next morning in a meeting with Whittier Place, I break down. We end up compromising. Megan and I are going to visit 4-5 days a week and they won't raise his rate. This is our last chance to make this place work and it will only take one bad day for my Dad to ruin it. Fingers are crossed!!
I can't help but wonder how people afford care for Alzheimer's patients. My Dad's monthly payment would have gone up to a total of $5000 if they implemented 24-hour care!!! Whittier Place is moderately priced, so some are more and some are less. There is no fixed price at these types of homes -- the cost can go up and down depending on the needs of the resident.
Has America forgotten these patients? The system definitely fails someone like my Dad who is only 70 years old and is so physically active that he jumped the fence when he ran away earlier that day. He doesn't feel like he belongs with people who are 10 or 15 years older than him and he also needs a lot of activity to keep him happy and preoccupied.
I am not saying that the staff doesn't deserve the money he pays them. Because they do deserve it. They are constantly dealing with the disease and they are bending over backwards to accommodate my Dad. He's really sweet when he wants to be. Pinching cheeks and all that.
But how do families afford to give their loved ones the quality of life that they deserve? That is a question that I can't answer and that will be haunting us for the next 10-15 years (God forbid 20) as we go through this struggle with my Dad.
The only thing I can hope for in the future is the possibility of a cure or something to slow down the disease. Stem Cell Research. It's too late for my Dad... but what about me and Megan?
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