Guilt

Guilt. Ugh. I don't like this emotion. Because you feel it right away, and it kind of gnaws at you (I am picturing a mouse gnawing on a piece of rope). Then suddenly you're in tears and you finally realize the reason is... Guilt.

I am sticking my tongue out at that word right now.

Ever since my Dad has been having 'normal days' at Whittier Place, Megan and I have been cutting back on our visits. It can be as long at 7-10 days before one of us goes to see him, and that alone makes me feel guilty. When you compare that to how often we were seeing him in Fallbrook, then we would look like Saints!... but, in this situation, 7-10 days is long time.

I feel like we're being judged for not being there as often as we were in the beginning (and I'm sure they're not judging us... but who knows), and I feel guilty that it takes so long to get his prescriptions and doctor's appointments, but most of all, we feel guilty about trying to get our lives back. We were both lucky enough to be in a position to drop everything and go running when there was an emergency, but with both of us concentrating on our futures, we feel a little selfish. (And I hate that word! But that's how I feel.) Now that there's only concern, but no emergencies, we're more reluctant to cancel our personal time to go running to Whittier.

Part of me thinks that it's only normal to feel selfish, another part of me thinks... GET OVER IT! and do what you have to do! But, how long will we have to do what we have to do? This revelation led me to another thought -- I am FINALLY realizing the longevity and commitment to this disease. We handled the emergencies and thought that was the hardest part, but now it's the maintenance that is feeling really heavy. . . . .

And heavy is the only word I can think of at the moment. Who knows how long this is going to last? Phone calls need to me made, appointments need to be kept, and we need to stay on top of his financial situation for as many years as it takes. It's difficult to balance out his medical needs, his finances, his needs at the home, and personal visitations. I'm feeling overwhelmed by future days of Dad. And I love my Dad, but he's a child and as much as his home will handle the day to day things, he needs us for everything else. We're the only ones.

As selfish as we may want to be, we won't let that get in the way because I don't ever want to feel that we have neglected Dad for our own personal reasons. Elder neglect is unacceptable, and I think that would be the worst thing that could happen. Dad is relying on us because there is no one else, so we just have to find the perfect balance between our own personal time, and Dad's needs. We also have to assess what is urgent, and what isn't, and take one thing at a time. I guess that's the only way.

HOORAY! As I was finishing this blog... Dad's prescriptions just arrived in the mail. Megan is currently with Dad at the Doctor's right now, but now I can go meet her and deliver the prescriptions to Whittier Place! One thing down... next up... Dad's dental concerns.

Tip

Tip:
Don't call the VA when you're already in a bad mood or feeling emotional. Cause you'll just end up crying after being on hold for 31 minutes to find out you've been transferred to the wrong people, and everything you thought was resolved last week is still a mess. Am I seriously having the same conversation with his clinic that I had last week and the week before???? Why is nothing getting done!

And I didn't even get my questions answered about Dental!

Still can't get my Dad's Galantamine refilled. He's been without it now for about 10 days.

Anxious Phone Calls

Hmmmm. Two anxious phone calls in two days from Dad. And he didn't sound very coherent. He wants to get out and when I would say anything he just thought I was agreeing with him that he should get out. No, Dad, we don't agree. Please stay put and we'll come visit you. Anyway, managed to calm him down a bit and I think Megan will be visiting him tomorrow.

I thought to myself, wow, I used to be so good at negotiating with him on the phone and trying to cheer him up, how did I do it? I'm a little rusty, I have to say.

It almost seems like something at Whittier Place has upset him. Sometimes a new resident or staff member will do that do him and the staff doesn't think it's anything worth mentioning (which is understandable), so I guess we better investigate because he hasn't acted this way in months.

On a side note... Whittier Place has booked The Sassy Songbirds to perform on Father's Day Weekend!!! The activities directors saw us perform today at a showcase and booked us on the spot! Of course, it will be extra special since my Dad is in the audience. To visit The Sassy Songbird Blog and stay updated, click on the link to the right.

A month in the life of Dad

Well, Dad continues to do well, and we continue to have more of our life back, while still enjoying those visits with Dad. Just some updates in Dad's world:

-His roommate is on Hospice. Whittier Place called to ask me if we wanted the roommate to move or if we were comfortable with him staying with Dad. We figured things were fine the way they were, and Dad really likes his roommate. One of the care-givers even told us that if Dad sees his roommate sleeping, he'll even go up to him and cover him up with a blanket. So sweet.

-The Director of Memory Care, Lourdes, is leaving Whittier Place. While we are very sad to see her go, she is moving up and will be in an executive position at another Alzheimer's home in Costa Mesa. It was so obvious how much love and passion she has for her job, and we couldn't have gotten through those first 6-8 months without her. I had more of a relationship with her than I did my Dad... that's how much we talked. She had great instincts about Dad and was always offering her help. Thank you Lourdes. You will be missed at Whittier Place.

-I attended a 'Family Meeting' the other day at Whittier Place, and every family member seemed to know who Dad was. "We love Dave!" "You're Dave's daughter?" "He's so sweet and funny." Hahaha. Made me smile.

-We've been dealing with Dad's prescriptions again... the transfer over from his old VA in Loma Linda to Long Beach really was pretty easy except the Prescriptions! I think we finally got it sorted out, but Whittier place was giving him the wrong dosage of Galantamine (which is the generic for Aricept - The Alzheimer's Pill). Loma Linda had prescribed 2 a day, and Long Beach had prescribed 1 a day... anyway... I think it's all sorted out now. At least I hope so.

-Last but not least.... Dad will be the King of the Mardi Gras party next Wednesday. He was the one who got the plastic baby in his piece of cake, so it's a pretty big deal. Everyone stops me in the hallway and keeps telling me, "Do you know your Dad is the King of Mardi Gras?" Megan and I are going to try to be there next Wednesday to get some good pictures and videos!

So, look for a Mardi Gras blog next week! It should be a fun one!

A Fun Visitor

We are so thankful that Carlos Robledo could take time out of his busy work schedule to come visit Dad last Sunday! While Dad didn't go to school with Carlos, he definitely went to school with about 10 other Robledos... all the cousins and brothers. It wasn't until the 80s that Dad and Carlos became friends. One day at UPS there was a new guy (Carlos) and while he was being introduced to everyone, Dad knew instantly that Carlos must be related to all those Robledos from Pasadena Jr. High and High School. He was right, and a friendship blossomed.

Carlos shared with us the many fishing trips that they took together and the time they spent gardening and doing yard-work over the years... it sounds like a lot of the time Dad was showing Carlos how to fish and sharing his tricks of the trade in the garden. I had Carlos bring Bonsai clippers so we could doctor up Dad's 30 year old bonsai plant that we brought to Whittier. That plant is still going strong.

We also looked at fishing trip pictures that Carlos brought along. Dad really enjoyed looking through those and slowly remembered some of the memories. At first Dad got Carlos confused for their other friend, Mike, but after reminding him who he was, Dad remembered the Robledos. It really helped that Carlos started naming off all the people that Dad went to school with and since that's really the time Dad lives in, he loved hearing those names.

Carlos also told a story of how my Dad would bend over and fart in my face when I was about 3 years old. I would crinkle my nose and Dad would say, "Who did that?" And I would apparently say, "Daddy do that." Okay, very cute story, but also VERY gross. Megan said she felt bad for me. Haha. But it does explain why Dad would always say in a child-like voice, "Daddy do that". I never knew what that meant until now.

Anyway, thank you Carlos for sharing your stories and for visiting Dad. We always love hearing stories about my Dad. Obviously we have a much different memory of what my Dad was like as a person, but I'm starting to feel like we never knew the 'real' Dave.

A couple of nights ago, I was talking about my Dad to some family friends on my Mom's side. They told me a few more stories... about how my Dad was always the 'funny guy', very social, party-guy, generous and friendly, and liked to tease. While some of these characteristics describe Dad perfectly, others don't sound like the Dad I knew. But now that his memory is gone, I really find that his true personal traits are coming out. He is so sweet and friendly to everyone at Whittier Place, he talks to everyone, and is always generous (asking if we're hungry or offering us things). These qualities are missing from my childhood memories, but it's nice to know they were always there even if they were buried under anger and alcohol.

The last story I am going to share is about Megan and Dad. Apparently Megan would get really whiny and upset at the beach because she hated being cold and having the sand all over her when she was little. This would happen repeatedly during a day at the beach, but Dad wouldn't hesitate to run her over to the hotel jacuzzi and bounce her around in there until she was happy. Over and over again.

We cling to these happy stories from the past and of who my Dad really was. So if you have any, we'd love to hear more of them.

A Fun Outing!

I would have to say that Dad is having a nice February so far! The great weather in Southern California is allowing him to still spend time out in the garden, and it also allowed us to take Dad to the beach.

About two weeks ago, Megan and I decided that we would take Dad to the beach since he is always talking about it. We kept putting it off because with the driving time of picking Dad up from Whittier, taking him to the beach, and taking him back to Whittier, we knew it would almost be a full-day excursion. Splitting the driving duties helped, and I arrived at Whittier with the good news that Dad was going to get to see the Ocean! He was so happy and some of the other residents told me they wanted to go as well. One lady actually started to follow us, but I told her that unfortunately there was no room in my car for another person... that little white lie seemed to work.

Even though I told him numerous times where we were going, Dad was surprised when we pulled up to Megan's house. He got to pet all her cats and her dog, Izzy, and then we all sat and had a few slices of leftover pizza before heading over the Redondo Beach Pier. I should mention too that Dad got a piece of apple stuck in his teeth, and so Megan attacked it with vigor, finally grabbing a pair of tweezers to pull out the long piece of apple. I wish I had a picture of that.

Down at the beach we walked around, looked at the seafood market, checked out the fishermen on the end of the pier, and Dad made sure to check out EVERY female who walked by. Some things never change.

Megan and I had decided that we would treat Dad to a beer. I know I've talked a lot about his alcoholism, but honestly at this point one beer isn't going to hurt him and we just want him to enjoy life. So, like I said, this was a treat for him. We sat in an empty Bar overlooking the fishing boats while Dad drank his beer (which turned out be in a very big mug). He got a little silly and kept bobbing his head to the club-type music that was playing in the background... it was cracking me up. I kept trying to get a video of him grooving to the music, but it didn't come out. I did get a video of him with his beer though... (below)




After the beach, Megan took him back to Whittier and when he walked in the door he announced in a cheery voice, "I'm Home!" I think there is a level of comfort associated with Whittier Place.

On a side note... the VA did pay a portion of Dad's Ambulance Bill, so it looks like we're all done with that! It was the last one associated with that hospital trip back in April. Woo Hoo!

End of Book 1

I think if this blog was a book, it would be in three parts, and I would have written "End of Book 1" after my last blog. As far as my Dad goes, there's not much to report. He has finally settled in and knows that Whittier Place is his home. The last eight months was the LONGEST adjustment period that I've ever experienced with anything in my life. But it seems that is exactly what it was for Dad, an adjustment period.

At this point we see Dad maybe once a week and barely get any anxious phone calls. Life is back to normal and going to see Dad is actually fun. Megan's last visit was so nice, she ended up staying for a couple of hours hanging out with all the sweet people there including Dad. I could hear the joy in her voice over the phone as she recounted her time with Dad that day - she had been down in the dumps lately and I think we were both surprised by how much Dad turned her mood upside down. They played Bingo together and Dad was really making an effort to concentrate on the game (he won!). Then, because they were having so much fun, Megan sat with them during dinner. Her quote was "Dad and Tabitha could go on the road with their act. They were cracking me up." I know exactly what she's talking about because they're both really silly but are also good friends with good hearts.

About a week ago, we had to visit the Dermatologist because Dad started itching again. It turned out to be dry skin (thank goodness), but it was really nice seeing that crazy Dermatologist again. I told Megan, if you ever need to feel good about yourself, go visit the Dermatologist. He is so obsessed with me and Megan and how we handle Dad. His daughter will be my age (27) when he is 71, and he says that he tells everyone about these two girls who take care of their Dad who has Alzheimer's and he can only hope his daughter will do the same for him. He charged us a very minimal fee and then told me, anything you need, come to me, and I'll take care of Dad! Wow!

At this point, I have mixed feelings about how well Dad is doing. We are thrilled that he is happy and healthy and that we get to spend so much time with him, but I'm starting to think that his Alzheimer's journey may be much longer than we originally thought. I mean, if he can stay at this cognitive level for as long as possible, then that would be amazing, but who knows which direction Dad's disease is poised to go. It's exhausting to think about. I hate it when those thoughts creep up on you.

Anyway, blog posts may be more sparse in the future since there's not much to tell, but I will keep giving updates on our cute Dad.
Below is a video of Dad singing "Georgia on my Mind" and dancing to "Hit The Road Jack". He loves Ray Charles!

Good Start to the New Year

This is what my table looks like when I make phone calls to the Veteran's Association about Dad's hospital bills... every all laid out, at my finger tips... but maybe now I'll be able to put it away for good.

As you all know we've been battling Dad's hospital bills from April of last year when he ran away, subsequently got picked up in an ambulance, and received stitches on his head. The bills for this episode totaled about $8000.

After applying for ER assistance from the Veteran's Association, and re-applying when we were denied, I am happy to say that 8 months later, the huge hospital bill has been taken care of. I was so upset when I received mail from the VA the other day indicating that they only paid $435.00, but after a quick phone conversation, I have been told that any payment by the VA is considered 'full payment' and the hospital cannot bill us anymore. Huge weight off our shoulders!!!

The last bill remaining is the ambulance bill and that has been re-submitted by the lovely lady who I spoke with on the phone. They will only pay ambulance fees if the ER fees have been paid (paid!), so I hope it's only a matter of time before this last bill is settled as well.

On another note, I received a notice from the local VA reminding us to schedule a colonoscopy for Dad. UGH. There is a lot of 'preparing' for a procedure like this one, if you know what I mean, and I still have nightmares from the last time we prepped him for it two years ago! My defiant inner child is pouting, "No! I DON'T want to do it." On the other hand, I guess Dad's care-takers at Whittier will have to deal with everything, so maybe I should just schedule the appointment. Or not? I mean, he has Alzheimer's so why put him through that procedure... I don't know. Such a strange dilemma. Should we even be worried about preventative procedures? Am I awful to think this way?

Anyway, Thank You to the VA for the long, but ultimately helpful process of taking care of Dad's hospital fees. We'll try not to bother you with any more of those. :)

He's Home for Christmas

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Christmas was different this year. We were missing two people on Christmas Day... my Dad and Nana. We usually go around the circle opening presents but the circle was a little smaller this year although it was still full of love and laughter.

We didn't bring Dad down to Fallbrook for Christmas because we knew it would upset him to see his old home-town. I can just imagine him saying, "oh, this is where I live." He's made so much progress in Whittier that there is no reason to disturb his peaceful setting. Another reason we didn't bring him down is just because he is a lot to handle. It's full-time baby-sitting and it's just too much for us to do during the busy holidays. It sounds bad, but it's the truth and he was perfectly happy to stay where he was. It's not like he knew it was Christmas Day or anything.

We brought him his presents on the 23rd. These presents included underwear, pajamas, a photo book from the past year, and my Mom and Papa. Dad loves seeing me and Megan, but he most definitely loves to see other family members and began to cry when Megan told him who was coming to see him. We opened presents and then went out to lunch. We had a fabulous time.

I know I've mentioned how great Whittier Place is, but Papa reinforced that notion once he got the tour. He reads every blog I write, and was still so impressed when he saw Dad's home in person. The hallways are so wide and bright, the rooms are very spacious, the staff is so sweet and friendly, and the garden is gorgeous.

As I look back at this past year, I'm nostalgic and relieved. We miss Nana so much, but we are keeping her memory alive in every family event while creating new memories with Papa and the family that is still with us. I want to take a quick moment for those of you who don't know about Nana... she is my Mom's Mom. Nana and Papa are honestly just as much of a parent as my Dad is if not more. Since we really don't have close relatives on Dad's side, Nana and Papa were a focal point in our lives and my Dad's life. They treated him with love, care, and respect as they would any other family member. The day that Nana died (right before I started writing the blog... which she would have LOVED by the way since she read every word we ever wrote in school), all I wanted to do was get to Arizona to be with Papa, but we had to take Dad to get his the stitches taken out. Who wants to do that when your Nana has just passed away? He had run away a week before that and had acquired stitches from his adventure. With my sunglasses on, tissue in hand, it was all I could do to get Dad to the Doctors (luckily Blake drove me). Alzheimer's doesn't wait for anyone, doesn't care what your priorities are, and definitely doesn't consider what other life-changing events might be going on in your life at any given moment. It was so difficult to explain to Dad why I was upset... he just didn't get it.

As for Dad, I think we can all say we're relieved that he has finally settled in at Whittier Place. Honestly, I can't think too much more into the future as far as Dad's situation goes, because the disease is unpredictable. So, we're thankful that more than ever, he is at home and is very happy. When once he used to yell at the other residents or ignore them, he now greets them and chats with them. We would dread leaving through the locked gate because he would try to leave with us, but now he walks us to the door, says goodbye, and goes on his way. Relief. What a fabulous feeling. Dad was home for Christmas... Home at Whittier Place Senior Living.

On another note, we are still battling the hospital bills. The VA finally contacted to say that they will only pay $435.00 out of $8000.00 of Dad's hospital bills. Really? Wow, thanks so much, that helps immensely. :/ Now I will have to appeal AGAIN. I understand that the VA doesn't assist every veteran with their hospital bills, but Dad matched every criteria for this assistance, so there's no reason why they shouldn't pay a little more. Dad only has about $20,000 to his name and it's dwindling fast, so there's no way he is paying for this out of pocket. No Way.

If and when the New Year brings more challenges, I can say that Megan and I are as prepared as we'll ever be for them! Bring it on Alzheimer's. We survived last year, so give us your best shot!

NAPA passed!

NAPA (the National Alzheimer's Project Act) was passed with an overwhelming vote in the House of Representatives and is now on it's way to President Obama for his signature. I emailed our President urging him to sign the legislation.

Last Thursday my Mom and I went to the annual Alzheimer's Association Holiday Party, and although I was only there for about 45 minutes, I'm really glad I was able to go. (Holiday traffic was so horrible, and I told Megan not to worry about driving all the way down there for 45 mins, but luckily my Mom was in the area, so I had a date.) My main goal was to meet Patty Moulton who is the VP of Outreach and Advocacy. I think I mentioned before how I would like to get more involved with education, raising awareness, and public speaking and this was the perfect opportunity to meet the right people.

We spoke with Patty for a few minutes and exchanged contact information, so I will keep everyone updated with new developments as they come.

NAPA

I just finished calling my Representative, urging him to vote YES on NAPA (the National Alzheimer's Project Act) which is coming up for a vote this week in the House of Representatives and will do the following:

This legislation would create the country's first national office for government efforts to treat and prevent Alzheimer's disease. Within the Department of Health and Human Services, the National Alzheimer's Project Office would coordinate and oversee federal research on Alzheimer's disease to develop a plan to combat the disease and to eventually develop a cure.

AND it will not require any additional federal spending! Although I wouldn't mind a little extra federal spending if it meant finding a cure for Alzheimer's because the cost of Alzheimer's care in the future will far out-weigh the cost of research now.

I also got an email update about the Rose Bowl Parade Pfizer/Alzheimer's Association float. Here is some more information about it...

The first wave of baby boomers will begin turning 65 next year, advancing into the age of greater risk for developing Alzheimer's. The Alzheimer's Association and Pfizer have joined together to raise awareness about the disease by urging Americans that It's Time to Face Alzheimer's. Visitors to an interactive website can upload photos and share stories about their Alzheimer experience as part of a Faces of Alzheimer’s mosaic. This awareness effort culminates with a featured float, called The Boomer Express, in the nationally televised 122nd Tournament of Roses Parade on New Year's Day.

I will add a link to the right of the blog so that people can share their stories on the float and upload pictures just like I did!

In the meantime, Dad is doing great! Megan and I each go once a week right now and that seems to be just fine with him. We aren't getting numerous phone calls and when we visit with him, he seems happy and content. It's so nice to have this little break from the drama, although sometimes I almost feel like there's something missing in my life because we're not rushing to Whittier to pacify Dad or scheduling our whole week around him.

When Megan went to see him last week, she brought her dog Izzy and everyone loved spending time with a dog. This one lady who wears a moo-moo every day, loves animals, and every time we bring Izzy, she says, "There's nothing like a pet. There's nothing like an animal in the family." EVERY. TIME. Sometimes she will repeat herself in two minute increments, but it's really sweet and we can tell she misses having pets.

There's another woman that lives there who always asks us, "Have you seen Lolita?" or "Is Lolita over there?" We always figured this was some person from her past, but apparently Megan met Lolita the other day -- she is this woman's care-taker. Who would have known. It's difficult to know when these residents are talking nonsense or if they are speaking about reality.

Megan had a very funny and blog-worthy quote from Dad to share with everyone... she asked Dad the other day , "Isn't Veronica nice?" (Veronica is the Activities Coordinator.) Dad's answer was priceless.... he said matter-of-factly, "Yes, she keeps me with Jesus." Hahahaha!!! Now, most of you know my Dad isn't a religious man, and he always used to say, "I don't have to go to church, cause I'm perfect." So, we found this hysterical.

During my visit a couple of days ago, Dad was talking about his brother Doug and then asked me politely if I had a brother. I said, "Kind of." I do have a half brother (my Dad's son) but I have no relationship with him, so that is why I answered that way. Anyway, I told Dad, "You know, David. Remember David and Kelly." He repeated David, but pointed to himself. He couldn't comprehend that he has a son with the same name as himself. He doesn't remember he has a son. Most of the time, he doesn't really understand that he's our Dad either. He knows we have a special relationship, but he doesn't understand the extent of that relationship.

Anyway, it's nice to see Dad feeling like he is at home. He's happy and that's all a girl can ask for, right?

Below is a picture of Dad in the Christmas Spirit!

The Sassy Songbirds

The Sassy Songbirds paid a visit to Whittier Place Senior Living the other day! And, who are the Sassy Songbirds, you may ask? Well, they consist of Me and my dear friend Alexis Henderson! We got the brilliant idea to start a singing duo that specializes in singing at Senior Homes as well as at Private Parties, Country Clubs, etc. The first program that we put together is our '30s & 40s Standards' -- all songs that my Dad knows very well and that will transport our audience back in time. Since Dementia and Alzheimer's patients mostly remember distant memories not short-term memories, they tend to know most of the words to these songs.

We opened with a dramatic rendition of "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" and our program continued with Peggy Lee songs, Rosemary Clooney, Frank Sinatra, Judy Garland, and more. Once we started singing and dancing, I instantly saw faces perk up in the audience. During some of Alexis's solos, I could hear a lady in the front row say really loudly, "She's really good." And then she repeated it louder because the lady next her didn't know what she was saying.

I got some laughs during "Fever" when I went over and sang to Dad, "oh, Daddy oh don't you dare... He gives me FEVER!" They weren't laughing at me per say, I think it was Dad's reaction... because he was really into that song and was making some funny faces. Oh, and he practically sang a duet with Alexis in "Cry Me A River" because he knew all the words to the first verse. As you can see in the pictures, we also got Dad and Tabitha up to dance a couple of times throughout the program when we had long interludes during the songs.

I do have to mention one incident. During Alexis's song "Someone to Watch Over Me", a very grumpy gentleman started yelling in the hallway. The cute ladies in the audience kept trying to shush him because he was ruining the music. Suddenly while Alexis is crooning away, this gentleman walks across the stage yelling at the caregivers. This upset most of the people, and we ended up pausing the song. Dad even stood up because he was getting angry at this guy. There were definitely some moments of confusion and anxiety, but he finally went out in the garden and we started up once again. Despite that one little incident, everything went smoothly and not only did the residents have fun, but Alexis and I had a BLAST!!!!

Of course, we volunteered our entertainment for Whittier Place and it was a great way to test out our act. I can't wait to do it again. When I went back a few days later, some of the residents (including Dad) even remembered the performance and said how much they enjoyed the songs and dancing.
I added a link to the right to our Sassy Songbirds Blog! Please check it out!

Fax, Email, MIA, Lawyer

This week, I am inundated with paperwork/financial type chores that have everything to do with Dad. Because I am his Power of Attorney, I am in charge! Chaaaaarge! Probably the most annoying of all these chores is dealing with Collections and Dad's hospital bills from when he ran away back in April. I gotta say though, I'm learning a lot.

FAX:
His medical coverage consists of the VA and Medicare Part A - both of which typically don't cover Emergency services. Dad's bills from his run-away incident on April 11th add up to almost $8000 including the Ambulance Ride. The VA may cover these expenses if the incident is associated with an ailment that they have been treating him for (like Alzheimer's). Since nothing happens very quickly through the VA, Collections is now calling me about his Ambulance Bill, but of course they won't tell me anything until I fax them the POA... WHICH I did two weeks ago, but they never got it. So, I'm going to fax them again.
I am also faxing a letter to Dad's mortgage company. His mortgage is currently paid through an automatic payment, but since he is selling his mobile home, it is also being paid through Dad's escrow... so we're double paying. They need a letter signed by me to discontinue the automatic payment.

EMAIL:
Furthermore, I've been dealing with Dad's home insurance as well! Now, with this particular document I was able to scan and email it back, so that saved me a fax, but I spent almost an entire hour trying to get the correct person on the phone that could answer my questions.

MIA (missing in action):
Lastly, I'm supposed to get another check for Dad from Morgan Stanley so that he can pay next month's rent, but I haven't heard back from them. They're usually very prompt, so I'm not sure what is going on with that. I know things are tough around the holidays, but I gotta say this is a strange one. We need that check before the 5th of next month to pay his rent!

Lawyer:
Next week we are meeting with a Lawyer who specializes in Elder Law so we should be getting a better idea on how Dad is doing financially and what we need to do to make sure that when his money runs out, everything goes smoothly. We estimated that Dad has about 10 more months of Whittier Place before he can't afford it anymore... but we'll know more after we meet with the Lawyer.

Just Another Day

Dad's calm, sweet, and quiet mood the past two months have been a blessing. I'm not sure it's going to stay that way for long though. He was pretty anxious today and we got a few calls even though I told him that I would be there in a couple of hours to see him. Today I would say I was something of a 'Dad whisperer' because I'm not sure what I said to him, but his mood changed and he was incredibly happy.

Upon arriving, I was greeted by staff members who said my timing was perfect because Dad wouldn't participate in the exercises due to the fact that he wanted to talk to me, so he had wandered over to his room by himself. When I saw him, he was in the middle of buttoning up a short-sleeve Hawaiian shirt that he had put over his long-sleeve sweater. He looked ridiculous. I guess he thought that would keep him warm? (don't worry, I took it off of him)

Anyway, his room was locked AGAIN. I'm not sure why they keep locking it and I told two people today to unlock it because it makes him upset. After depositing the Hawaiian shirt in his room, we made our way outside to the garden because truthfully, I'm so obsessed with the perfect amount of sunshine that pours in through the trees and the peacefulness of sitting on a bench and looking at the flowers (although when Dad's anxious, he can sometimes ruin the peacefulness).

Dad says the usual: he's locked in, needs a job, and wants to see family. Then he seemed concerned about me and said, "I couldn't find you. I was thinking I hope you didn't get hit by a car or puked a monkey." YES! That is what he said. Puked a Monkey. That has got to be one of the most inventive and odd things Dad has said to date.

We were just talking about random things, when Dad asked me, "Are they going to do that here?" (pointing to Whittier Place). And I thought... do what? What were we just talking about? Because the question made no sense. Should I ask him to elaborate? What should my answer be? What will make him happy? So I tentatively said, "yes...?". Hallelujah! That was the right answer because he was so happy and in awe of the entire place. I have no idea what he was so happy about, but whatever works. He even said that he wanted to stay at Whittier Place. So, you can see how I was a "Dad whisperer" right?

Later I told Dad, "Okay, you want to go somewhere, that's fine, but you don't have a car, so you can call up Me or Megan and we'll take you. No problem." Then Dad said, "I used to have a car. At my age I probably can't get one? Okay, well that's probably the right thing to do." He was laughing and joking around and saying that he was so happy.

Before I left, we called Dad's brother Doug and they had a great conversation. Dad is pretty adamant about seeing Doug, but I'm not sure they'll ever get to see each other again. Doug doesn't really travel much and it might be too difficult to take Dad on a trip to northern California to see his brother who we have never met. It's kind of awkward.

On my way out, I dropped him off at the activities room where everyone was sitting around in a circle. Suddenly, Dad started dancing and singing along with the song,"Love and Marriage", that was playing in the background. When I left I could hear them all laughing and teasing Dad. He loves that stuff.

Hopefully my conversation with Dad today keeps him in high spirits the next couple of days.

Thank you note!!!

I feel guilty not sharing this wonderful note that was sent to me by Andrea -- the Memory Walk Coordinator of the Alzheimer's Association Orange County Chapter -- because although we did the fund-raising, you did the fund-giving!!! This Thank You deserves to be shared...

Hi Kristen,

You and your team put a BIG smile on my face this past Saturday. Your team sign was so creative – and your team spirit was contagious. What a great group of people you have put together, Kristen. Youthful and full of life.

You have moved this cause forward in a way you can’t imagine.

Upside to Dementia has a great deal to be proud of. I am not sure if you understand the impact you have made – but I want you to know it is immense throughout our community. I wanted to personally thank you so very much for your support for this Memory Walk. It is people like you and all the people on your team that will bring us closer to a day when Alzheimer’s Disease is but a memory.

You and your team have raised $2,100 – that is no small amount. You are helping to serve the people in this community affected by this cruel disease – one dollar at a time. Our donation site will be open until November 30^th –keep up the amazing efforts –there is still time to meet your goal of $3,000! Soon after that date, you will be receiving your certificate for your incentive prizes for all of the money you have raised.

We have only begun to reach out to the community in Huntington Beach and the surrounding areas – but with people like you behind our efforts, we know we can succeed. I would love to hear more about what helped you succeed and how you are connected to the cause.

Thank you, Kristen, for all you do for this cause. We need you support and we are so lucky to have it.

All my best to you and your team!

-Andrea McDonald

Thank you again to all our wonderful friends and family! We love you! Here is the official picture taken from the walk!

Memory Walk 2010

Yesterday was the much anticipated Memory Walk in Huntington Beach! We raised $2100 which turned out to be close to 1% of the total fund-raised amount for the entire walk! Not bad for our first time! There were nine of us total including Colby and Rich, Matt and Blair, and then of course Blake, Tony, Megan, Mom, Me, and then 2500 other walkers.

I'm kind of crazy and spent almost 3 hours making a poster for the walk. (There was a poster contest and I still don't know who won, but it should have been us!) And, no, I don't have that much time on my hands, and it's one of the reasons I'm still so tired from the last few days.

What made the poster more special was in the inclusion of names that our friends and family donated in memory or honor of. Over the past three months, I didn't feel too annoying asking for donations because half of the donations weren't made for just my family... half of the donations were from people who have a loved one with Alzheimer's. I say it every time, but I'm always surprised at how many people are affected by this disease. So, we didn't just walk for my Dad and for our future, but we also walked for....
Lucy Mitchell, Faye Taylor, Ruth Sciumbato, Sophie Barnes, Gail McGinty, May Henderson, Jim Richardson, Ada Henderson, Bob Henderson, Katsuko Elegino, Richard D. Meriwether, Grandma G., Vincente Miramontes, Harry Manning, Karen Herschberger, Mary Gilligan and more.


I've felt so empowered the last few months fund-raising and being a part of the Alzheimer's community, and now it's over until next year. (Although, that's not true at all.) Megan and I are definitely still involved with everything to do with Alzheimer's because of good old Dad and I have to say I've become quite passionate about the cause if you haven't guessed by now. The numbers and statistics don't lie and researchers are struggling to find which route to take in finding a cure because of recent set-backs (although there have been break-throughs on diagnoses of the disease). I really think we're going to be seeing and hearing a lot more about Alzheimer's in the media in the next few years; in fact it's already starting.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their support and for making us feel less powerless about this disease. I also want to thank my friends who walked with us. Who knew a bunch of twenty-somethings would care enough to be walking in an Alzheimer's walk. We hope next year's group can be even bigger!

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

Happy 71st Birthday Dad (on Nov. 4th)!!! Best of all Dad's oldest friend Mike O'Rourke was in town to celebrate with us. And even better, Dad was wearing his shiny, gold, skull and bones pirate necklace from Halloween, which was 5 days earlier. He kept saying, "I wasn't sure about this when I first got it, but I think it's ok." He had been wearing it all week!

While everyone was doing Zumba, the four of us had our own little celebration with balloons and presents. Megan and I made Dad a birthday poster and bought him a shirt that says, "Who Farted" which he thought was a hoot, and Mike got Dad a CD of Ella Fitzgerald and Louie Armstrong.

Dad loves to open presents. Every year at Christmas, he would be so dramatic while opening his presents; shaking the box, guessing what it was, tearing each little corner of the wrapping... we usually ended up yelling, "Dad!!!!! Just open it!" So, of course that's what he did while opening his birthday gifts -- Lots of jokes and funny faces too. After unwrapping, we decorated Rice Krispy treats with icing and sprinkles and listened to the new CD.























After Zumba was over, the rest of the residents filed into the activity room to celebrate Dad's B-day. I've mentioned the birthdays at Whittier Place before, but I will reiterate how special the staff makes everyone feel on their birthday. They baked a chocolate cake with a layer of Bananas in the middle and then drew fish on the side of the cake with the colorful icing we brought. Dad had a blast!

When we all asked him to make a wish, he took so long to think of one and the Activities Coordinator was holding this heavy cake in front of him for at least 30 seconds while he thought of a wish. Then after figuring out his wish, he had trouble blowing out the candles, so he started to take his teeth out because he thought that would help the situation. Lucky for you.... I got it all on video but we're having a difficult time uploading it, so I will share it another time.....

On a side note, we're always told when dealing with Alzheimer's patients not to reason with them too much. Reasoning and Rationality don't really work with this disease... but there are exceptions to this rule. The day after Dad's B-day, I got a call from Whittier and he was anxious. Mostly, he wants a job. I agreed to help him find one, hoping to calm him down a bit, but he kept repeating how much he wanted a job, so I responded with this statement: "Well, I don't know if you know, but our country is in a recession and unemployment is very high. There are a lot of people who don't have a job and it's really hard to find one. So, we can try to get you one, but it might be more difficult than you think." And he said, "Oh, I didn't know that. Okay." It made perfect sense to him. Sometimes I think he just wants to be talked to like a normal person.

Remember when I said that Dad gained 4 pounds since he last went to the doctor and we didn't know why? Well, Tabitha (Dad's gf) has informed me that she gives him half her food because she never finishes it. Now we know.

Way to go New York Times

Wanted to let everyone know very quickly that the NY TIMES is doing a whole series on Alzheimer's in their Health Section -- not just the one article that I mentioned the other day. I added the link to their Health Page to my 'helpful links' on the right side of the blog... please check it out! There are so many articles.... I almost don't know where to start!!!! Thanks again to Remy for pointing this out to me!!!! Very exciting.

It's Time To Face Alzheimer's

Last week, I worked the Govenor's Women's Conference in Long Beach. Speakers ranged from Maria Shriver to Sandra Day O'Connor to Michelle Obama to Oprah and there were numerous booths from many organizations and businesses. I worked the booth for Intuit -- most known for Turbo Tax and Quicken. However, I did get a chance to make the rounds and I walked over to visit the Alzheimer's Association booth where I shared my story and got my picture taken in front of the Alzheimer's board. (I look a little dorky because I'm in my long sleeve Intuit shirt.... :))

The Alzheimer's Association and Pfizer are teaming up to raise awareness of Alzheimer's (particularly targeting the Baby Boomer Generation). On New Year's Day, look for the Boomer Express Train, the first-ever It's Time to Face Alzheimer's float in the 122nd Rose Parade. Apparently the stories shared at the booth (including mine) will be displayed on the float along with our pictures. We'll have to keep an eye open for the float. New Year's will be here before we know it.

I also wanted to share a link to a fabulous article from The New York Times -- Finally an urgent, informative, and succinct article about Alzheimer's. Thanks to Remy for sending me the link. I was so disappointed with TIME magazine last week and their cover story... it was so boring...
The link to the NY Times article is attached to this blog. (To read the article, NY TIMES might make you register with them, but it's free... they only need your email and a password.)

Also, we're less than a week away from the Memory Walk and we've raised $1925.00!!!!! We'll easily get to $2000. If you would like to donate or join our team, the link is to the right of the blog! We'd love to have you there.

Whittier Place was putting up some new pictures on their walls, so they gave me a few of their old pictures that featured Dad. Both were taken within a month of two of him living there... you can tell his face looks fuller. Whittier place has the best activities... for Cinco de Mayo they had pinatas and virgin Margaritas! The other picture is of Dad planting one of his own Sago Palms in their garden.

Arrrrr, Matey!!!

How much do I love my Dad? Well, I went to Party City to find him a costume two days before Halloween. If you know what Party City is like before Halloween, then you know how much I love my Dad. That place was insane.

I ended up getting him some Pirate accessories and Blake had a red shirt for him. Whittier place was putting on a murder mystery with live entertainment and cookies and treats! The place was decorated with Spider Webs, Flying Ghosts, Blacked out Windows, Strobe Lights, Music and we ended up dancing to "The Monster Mash", "Purple People Eater", "Old Devil Moon", and "The Addams Family". We had a blast singing and dancing to all the songs. As you can see from the pictures, he had a pirate hook in his hand and his favorite joke of the day was, "I'm a hooker!" Hahahaha. Good old Dad.

Afterwards, Dad was getting grumpy and anxious about his living situation-- the usual complaints and then the conversation turned to Paula and he asked, "Do you know Paula?"

"Yes, Dad, she's my Mom." He's so worried that she is out there looking for him. Telling him that she's out of town doesn't really work either. The day turned from delightful to annoying in 5 minutes time. I did what I could to pacify him and then got out of there before he got more anxious.

Below is a video of Dad dancing to the "Monster Mash". Right at the end of the video, Dad's girlfriend Tabitha comes over to start dancing with him....