It's Unfair!

I sit here with salty tear stains on my cheeks and I just want to scream.  I know life isn't fair and I know life never really gave my Dad a break, but sometimes I just want to scream, "It isn't FAIR!"

A few weeks ago, the staff at the Psych Ward started talking to us about his discharge.  It was pretty evident that the VA home was not going to re-accept him, and I was pretty calm about it.  (We always knew that was a strong possibility.)  My mom on the other hand was fuming over the phone every time we talked about it.  I honestly felt overwhelmed... I didn't have the time or energy to fight this.  It takes time to drive to West LA... and babysitters cost money... and getting the right person on the phone is almost impossible... and when I do talk to the right person, I never get a straight answer... and let's not forget that I have my own life!

What imploded my attitude of 'calm acceptance' was the arrival of Dad's MediCal application.  Since he has no money, Dad will need to apply for MediCal and that will pay for his new home.  I spent the last 3-4 years getting to know the ins and outs of the VA system.  We waited 2 1/2 years to get Dad in the VA home.  We planned and we were organized, and now we have to start all over with a new system I know nothing about.

Well, Mom, now both of us are fuming (or crying and screaming). 

Talking this morning, we feel that we need to exhaust every resource to keep him in the VA home. We don't feel comfortable with anything less.  I just got off the phone with two VA Social Workers.  I managed to keep it together when I spoke to the Social Worker from the home, and he was receptive to having the Doctor look back over Dad's file now that he seems to be less aggressive.  The second Social Worker basically just listened to my concerns and then told me to fill out the MediCal form asap.  That's when I started crying on the phone.  I really tried to keep it together, but no such luck.

The bottom line is this:  Dad has Alzheimer's.  All of his behavioral issues and motor functions are affected by Alzheimer's.  So, for the VA ALZHEIMER'S home to kick Dad out because he is aggressive or because he lost the ability to walk and has a restraint around his stomach keeping him from falling out of his chair -- is UNFAIR.  It's all a part of Alzheimer's.  And that is why we are fuming.

On another note, we are once again participating in The Long Beach Walk to End Alzheimer's.  And team "UpsidetoDementia" is fired up!  Click on the link to learn more, to register, or to donate to end this disease!  Kristen's Walk Page

My Dad's Brain

I know how blessed and lucky we are that Dad was admitted into the West Los Angeles VA home.  But, I am reminded again today as I sit on the phone with his Doctor.  

Dad was taken to the ER yesterday because his behavior has become dangerous.  In the last few weeks, I have been receiving more calls about altercations with another resident or caregiver.... scratching or hitting or even falling down.  I witnessed it a bit earlier this week when I went to visit and he was running away from the caregivers who were trying to help him change.  When they got too close, he pushed one of them and lashed out at another (thankfully missing her).

Yesterday escalated even more as he began brandishing silverware.  They decided to take him to the ER.  His behavior and mood didn't improve over night, so that's when they decided to admit him for further evaluation.  

We are LUCKY and BLESSED because other homes are so quick to give up on my Dad.  He has been kicked out before and it was heart-wrenching.  I understand, because why would anyone want a resident who has violent outbursts that endanger other people.  But, since we're dealing with a Government Agency that cares for Veterans, every step and precaution is being taken to see that he gets the best care.  They aren't giving up on him.  And it's unlikely that he'll be kicked out.  Because then where would he go?

Alzheimer's is such a tricky disease.  The Doctor even said, "We actually know quite a bit about the disease, but every person is different, and the disease proves to be very unpredictable."  They also did a CT scan and everything looked normal EXCEPT for the very noticeable shrinkage of my Dad's brain. 

As I've mentioned before, www.alz.org has an amazing Brain Tour that shows the effects of Alzheimer's on the brain.  Click here to visit the tour.  Here is just a glimpse of what my Dad's brain probably looks like.  Pretty Shocking...

Our Poor Dad.  

For now, it looks like he spending the weekend in the hospital.  More updates to come...

Moo, Neigh, and Gobble Gobble

As a child, we loved listening to my Dad make animal sounds.  They always sounded more like an animal and less like a human-produced sound.  He was that good at it.  My favorites were Moo, Neigh, and Gobble Gobble.

Luckily for Emry, I got two of them on video today.  Although, as Megan pointed out when I texted her the video, the Moo does kind of sound like the cow is either dying or giving birth. But hey, this is an Alzheimer's patient we're talking about, so the fact that he did it at all is pretty amazing.

(How cute are they?!)

My visit with Dad today was necessary since I had not been there in a couple weeks (June was insanely busy) . The staff called me yesterday to inform me that Dad had been striking out at caregivers and had scratched another resident in the face.  I never know what triggers his erratic behaviors, but I have a feeling that through the fog of Alzheimer's, on some level, he misses seeing a familiar face (namely mine) and could be feeling a bit abandoned.  Oops. 

We had a great time together and Dad was all smiles.  I talked to the staff, and they are adjusting his medicine so that it will be administered 3 times a day (in a smaller dose) instead of the previous once a day.  Good plan.

Lastly, at 16 months old, Emry is now saying Bye Bye.  Sometimes it's Bye Bye Kitty or Daddy.  But, today it was "Bye Bye Gappa." 

Makes your heart melt, doesn't it? 

So, without further ado... Here are some animal sound videos!